


Don't Punch Him!

by EmeraldAshes



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Connor Deserves Happiness, Fluff, M/M, Matchmaker Zoe Murphy, Murphy Sibling Bonding, Sibling Bonding, Zoe does not put up with your middle school crush BS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-12-11 03:09:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11705550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmeraldAshes/pseuds/EmeraldAshes
Summary: And other terrible love advice you receive when you go to your little sister for help.





	Don't Punch Him!

“I’m only here because I have no friends.”

Zoe glanced up to find Connor glaring at her from her dorm room’s doorway. “Hi to you, too.”

Connor strode inside and sat on her desk chair.

She rolled her eyes. “And please make yourself comfortable.”

“Chill,” Connor said. “I haven’t even done anything yet.”

Zoe who had been relaxing against her pillows, moved to sit cross-legged on her bed. ”Yet?”

“I’m not gonna do anything. I need”—Connor wrinkled his nose—“advice.”

Zoe paused for a moment, wracking her brains for the sort of “advice” her brother was coming for. “You know I’m not actually a lawyer yet, right? I’m barely even pre-law.”

“I haven’t done anything illegal.”

Zoe raised her eyebrows.

Connor growled. “I haven’t been _caught_ doing anything illegal. _Jesus.”_

“Okay,” she said slowly, with a hint of wariness.

Connor leaned back in the chair so that he could stare at the ceiling. “There’s this guy at the coffee shop.”

“Don’t punch him.”

The chair smacked back down. “What the fuck? Why is that where your mind goes?”

“Experience,” Zoe said flatly.

She really didn’t need Connor getting fired from his job because a coworker, or worse _customer,_ got on his nerves. She was pretty sure that all the free pumpkin spice lattes were half the reason he had calmed down and stopped threatening to murder people.

“Oh for fuck’s sa…We’re friends, Zoe.”

She grinned. “Definitely don’t punch him, then.”

Connor grabbed a pen from her desk and started clicking it.

“So…you?”

Click.

“Have a friend?”

Click. Click.

“And that’s going…well?”

Click click click click click click. “I’m going to totally fuck this up, aren’t I?”

“Probably, yeah.”

Connor groaned, crossing his arms on the desk and slumping against them.

Zoe stretched forward to lightly pat his back. “So, tell me more about the kind of guy who’d actually be friends with the angsty and powerful Connor Murphy.”

Connor turned his head to glare at her. “He’s actually super fucking nice, believe it or not.”

“Oh, I believe it. If you found another you, you would kill him”—she made a cutting motion at her throat—“and it would take an angel to put up with your bullshit.”

“He’s not an angel, but he’s…polite, nervous, kind of talkative once you get him going. He gets a small black coffee every time he comes in, and he still manages to mess up the order half the time. You wouldn’t think we would work, but we do.”

Zoe drummed her fingers against her thigh. “Look, I don’t want to be like mom.”

“Then don’t.”

“But I have to ask. _Just_ a friend?”

Connor was silent for a long moment, then he finally mumbled, “He’s like a sexy puppy.”

Zoe started to laugh, eventually curling on her side as she shuddered against her purple comforter.

Connor sat up. “Wait, shit. That came out wrong.”

“No,” Zoe gasped between laughs. “It came out perfect.”

“You’re never gonna let this one go, are you?”

“Nope.”

“Fine. Whatever,” Connor muttered. “What do I do about it?”

Zoe wiped the tears from her eyes. “What have you done so far?”

“Talk about movies and life and our asshole fathers, mostly.”

“Ask for his number,” Zoe said.

“We already text.” Connor held up his phone, which was badly damaged despite having one of those everything-proof cases. Zoe had a suspicion that he threw it at people who annoyed him.

“Ask him to get coffee with you.”

“I work at a coffee shop. I get coffee with him all the time.”

Zoe wiggled so that she was on her stomach, feet in the air. Her head rested against her right palm. “Take him somewhere else.”

Connor ran a hand through his hair, tugging at it when he reached the end. “We got ice cream last week when it was peel-your-face-off hot outside.”

“You’re _sure_ you’re not dating?”

“Pretty fucking sure, yeah.” Connor looked pissed-off, but what else was new?

Zoe drummed her fingers against her cheek. “Have you considered doing exactly what you’re doing, but using the word ‘date?’”

Connor tugged at his hair again, harder this time. “I’m not sure if that’s what we’re doing.”

“Kiss him?”

“He would have a panic attack.”

“Don’t be dramatic.”

“I’m serious.”

“Talk to him about it?” Zoe said.

“I don’t wanna make things weird.”

Zoe snorted. “Connor, _you’re_ involved. Trust me, things are already weird.”

“He’s my only friend…and I’m pretty much his only friend. What if he’s not interested, and it totally fucks up our friendship?”

Zoe stared at him. “So the plan is to keep pining and hope he declares his undying love for you.”

“I was hoping you would have a better plan,” Connor admitted.

“I have a hundred better plans. You’re just difficult.”

Connor immediately left her room, slamming the door behind him. Zoey shrugged and turned to her music theory homework.

* * *

Zoey considered it her solemn duty as Connor’s younger sibling to never, ever let that conversation go. Therefore, the next time that she spotted him on campus, she immediately yelled, “Hey, Connor, how are things going with sexy puppy?!”

Evan Hansen, the shy but responsible guy whom she had immediately nabbed for the first partner project of the semester, seemed confused. “S-sexy puppy?”

“My brother’s got a crush on some guy who he’s totally already dating,” she said loudly enough that Connor could hear her as he stormed over.

“Evan,” Connor said, then with incredible malice, “ _ZOEY.”_

Zoey looked between them, frowning with thought. “Do you two know each other?”

Evan started tugging at the edge of his polo. “Y-yes, we’re, um, I…I drink a lot of coffee, and—”

“We’re friends,” Connor said.

Evan smiled at him. “G-good. Yeah. I wasn’t really sure if…yeah.”

Zoe’s eyes widened, and she flicked her gaze up and down the nervous but happy Evan—big brown eyes, nice body, that timid smile…

“Oh! I can totally see it now.”

Connor tried to kill her with his eyes.

Evan just seemed confused. “S-see what?”

Zoe theatrically tapped a finger against her chin, turning her attention toward Connor. “Hm. I _could_ smooth this over, maybe tell a white lie. But unfortunately, you are my brother.”

Zoe set a hand on Evan’s shoulder and leaned forward to whisper in his ear. “Connor has a huge crush on you.”

Connor chucked his phone at Zoe as she raced away. He probably would have charged after her, except…Evan watched him, all nerves. “Um, was that actually…I mean, she was joking. Of course b-because it’s kind of funny, I guess? I mean, I’m me, and—”

Connor interrupted him. “I like you.”

A little smile tugged at Evan’s lips. “Oh! Oh, good. I like you, too, and well, of course I like you, we hang out. I mean like as in…really like?”

Connor grabbed Evan’s hand. “I get it.”

Evan squeezed Connor’s hand. Connor squeezed back.

 “So…what do we do now?”

Connor rubbed his thumb against the back of Evan’s fingers, and Evan shivered in response. “We do exactly what we’ve been doing, but we call it a date.”

“That sounds easy.”

“Also we make out a lot,” Connor added.

Evan’s small smile grew. “C-cool.”

Zoe, spying on them from behind the art building, also smiled. She was gonna hold this one over Connor’s head _forever._

**Author's Note:**

> More Murphy sibling bonding coming soon.


End file.
